Ways to Make Time for Your Marriage

Anyone who has been married for a while can tell you you need to find way to make time for your marriage.  But the truth is, it is doesn’t come without effort.  Schedules are busy.  The demands of work and kids don’t stop!  And sometimes even when you get a moment with your spouse you are too exhausted to make it any kind of quality time!  

One of the things that keeps me coming back to being dedicated to making time for our marriage is a quote I heard at a marriage conference.  The speaker said you are either growing closer to your spouse or moving farther away from each other.  There is no standing still.  And isn’t it true?  You either make an effort to connect or you naturally grow apart.  So this week, I am sharing a few ideas we have used to take time to grow our marriage!

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Ideas out of the house:

I am going to start with the most obvious.  Get you and your spouse on a date or a getaway!!  It doesn’t have to be expensive, but just get alone and focus on each other!  We are fortunate to have family in town now who can help with childcare on date nights.  If that is not the case for you think about doing a date night swap with another couple!  We have done that in the past and loved it!  Bonus points if you can do it with one of your kid’s best friends because then you are basically having a play date!

My husband and I also like to try to have at least a weekend getaway every year.  This can be as big or as small as you want.  There are years we have just gotten a hotel in our town and spent the weekend in a hotel.  And then other times, like our 10 year anniversary we have taken a week away in Florida!  Big or small it doesn’t matter.  Any amount of time away from normal life is like a breath of fresh air into your marriage. 

One more idea for your marriage is to attend a marriage conference.  We have been to the Weekend to Remember Conference which has events all over the US.  Another idea is to look at your church.  Every year our church tends to hold a one day conference.  You could look around your area and see what is available!  Marriage conferences are a fun way to really dig deep in your relationship and grow together. 

Date Night at Home

If childcare is a really hard situation for you, then you can try date night from a different perspective.  Bring the date to home!  Put the kids to bed so it is quiet and you have the house to yourself (or at least feel like you do!)  We usually eat dinner together then.  Sometimes we do take out and other times my husband makes dinner for me!  If you want something fun afterwards you could play a game or watch a comedy together.  If conversation is hard you could try some conversation starters like THESE!  We got these as a gift and it was surprising what we learned about each other even after 11 years of marriage

Weekly Theme Nights

Another approach we have used in different seasons is what I like to call weekly theme nights!  This started for us with things that we really wanted to do together, but we never really remembered to do it!  For example, there have been a few books we have wanted to read together.  So we chose one day of the week.  On that day we would spend the first part of the night, after the kids went to bed, reading one chapter of our book together.  It was a great way to connect about specific topics we felt God drawing us to.

If you are feeling the need to infuse some fun in your marriage you could think about picking a night every week to have game night!  Play your favorite board or card game or even pull out the Nintendo and have a video game competition.  You are sure to laugh and just enjoy being together!

Nightly Check Ins

If there is only one thing on this list you can commit to, this would be the one I would encourage you to commit to!  Nightly check ins are a way to not just communicate the nitty gritty information that helps make your family run, but also gives each spouse a chance to share anything big, good or bad, that may have happened that day.  For us, this again happens after we put our kids to bed.  We spend the first ten to fifteen minutes just recapping our days with each other.  This helps us just stay up to date with what is happening in each of our worlds.  We ask questions and honestly we usually express our gratitude for what the other person did for our family that day.  That isn’t a firm rule we have made, but something that has begun to naturally flow as we have gotten better at sharing our lives.

If something big is happening with work or family we may take longer than just fifteen minutes and that is okay.  This time is for us to rehash anything needed that sprang up in the day.  Did my husband have a big meeting at work?  Did I substitute in a really crazy class?  Is one of our kids going through something major?  These are the things we share during our nightly check ins.  And while I love taking getaways with my husband, it is this consistent investment that I think has given us the most growth and connection as a couple.  It has definitely been worth the time we have invested.

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