I am a Different Mom for My Baby

I have a confession to make that maybe you can relate too:  I am a different mom for my baby than I was for my oldest.  I have four kids and between the oldest and the youngest there is a nine year age difference.  It makes sense that in nine years I have grown and learn and changed as a mother!  There are many things I wish I could tell my younger mom self, but as I am sure you know, so many lessons in motherhood have to be learned through hard work and experience.  But today, I want to share with you three ways I am a different mom with my baby than I was with my oldest.

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It’s Okay to Delay

With my oldest child I was in such a hurry for her to master every new stage.  And she had a natural go-getter personality, so she was crawling by 7 months, walking by 11 months and was completely potty trained by the time she was two!  I was so proud of her accomplishments!  Guess how many people care how old she was when she was potty trained now that she is 11?  Zero.  It makes no difference in her life today. 

As I have grown as a mother, I have realized it is okay not to rush to the next milestone! It is more important to tackle big stages when it will work best for the child and your family then to force them to happen early.  For example, my youngest is well over 2 1/2 and he is no where near potty trained yet.  I know we could start it right now, but with me substitute teaching most days, it just isn’t a great time to start a new stage.  So we are waiting for summer break to tackle potty training.  Other big steps like the transition from the crib to bed, starting team sports, and having friend birthday parties are all stages we are in no rush to run into with my youngest child.  

 Enjoying the Lasts Makes me a Different Mom for My Baby

One of the best parts about knowing your youngest baby is your final child, is letting yourself enjoy every last.  When I was pregnant with my last baby, I knew it was my last pregnancy.  I let myself splurge on a few new maternity shirts that I had always had my eye on and never bought because I knew this was my last chance!  And I have to be honest there has been more than one occasion that my big girls have convinced me to get something cute for their baby brother with the reasoning that it is our last chance to buy baby things!

But more important than seizing the opportunity to buy all the cute baby things is the gift of perspective that comes with your last baby.  With my older kids I think there was always a tendency to be looking ahead at the next big milestone.  Sure we celebrated each step in life, but there was still a sense of looking forward.  With my baby, I know that each of his firsts is one of my lasts.   And while there is sometimes a touch of sadness in knowing these moments are my last of their kind, it has also allowed me to be more present in those moments.  I don’t want to rush through these moments.  With each birthday or first step or first word, I am reminded to breathe in the moment and enjoy the love and excitement of the present.    

Say No To Stress

If there is one thing I could go back and do over when I think about my early days of motherhood it would be to just say no to all the mom stress and shame.  In early motherhood I had the mistaken belief that there was a “right” way to do every motherhood task.  And like all of you I wanted to be a great mom, so I felt the stress to figure out that “right” way. What was the right sleep schedule, the right nutrition, the right educational toys.  Trying to do everything right is exhausting and sucks the joy out of motherhood.

By the grace of God, I have been learning to embrace grace in motherhood.  This doesn’t mean my role as a mom doesn’t matter or that I can suddenly stop caring for my kids.  Instead, it means that I can trust the Lord to work in and through my family.  I can’t control everything perfectly or follow a perfect formula to ensure my kids turn out “right”.  I am free to follow where God leads me and trust He is working.  So with my last baby that meant spending more time holding him instead of being worried about if that would mess up his sleep schedule.  It means not worrying about if the other moms are judging me for feeding him white bread instead of wheat bread.  And in our current season, it means I walk forward into working more outside of the home knowing that I don’t have to doubt or have shame for what God has called me to.  While I still have my mom guilt battles to work through, I am committed to this path of grace, knowing it is the gateway to freedom and peace for all of us.

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